Before and After in reverse

Just in case you forgot, in summer of 2009 I lost 24 pounds and looked great. I felt healthy, I looked thin, and I was wearing a size 8. I had a "glow" about me and felt beautiful.

Before (thin and glowy)

My boyfriend, grandpa and me at my dad's 50th birthday party last year.

After (still confident in myself but less glowy and definitely not thin)

Graduation in December 2010. I don't look "fat" or anything but at this time (and still now) my weight climbed and I gained the 24 pounds I lost- plus 1 more.

So what does this all mean? I am disappointed in myself for letting myself gain back all the weight. It feels like it canceled out all my hard work and now my "skinny" clothes don't fit anymore. As a matter of fact, my former "fat" clothes (please know I'm keeping this as a relative term since we all have different feelings of when we feel fat) are right back to how they used to fit. Actually, in a brand of jeans I like (but they run small) I had to buy a 14 the other day because my 12s were feeling tight (at least that size in that brand feels ridiculously loose- gotta justify stuff sometimes, right?). Now I know this brand just runs small because I have NEVER been a size 14 before (and refuse to say I am a size 14 because my other size 12 pants fit fine) but this was pretty much my turning point where I realized I was just so disappointed in myself. I have been in a funk lately about my weight and basically eating my feelings instead of just dealing with it and losing the weight (once again).

I'm tired of feeling disappointed in myself. Let's turn that disappointment into another 24 pound (maybe even more!) weight loss and this time PERMANENT. I had a "last hurrah" today and in the morning I will have a fresh start.

Here's to new beginnings and lessons learned from past mistakes!